look at what you're tearing apart (open/jacob)

[bree fisher]

[[to jake: i'm saying that they've been separated because she had to go back to england for the summer, and they lost touch. he could be worried that she's a vampire by now, what with blysse and stuff.]]

this doesn't have to end in tragedy...

it'd been awhile, it'd been too long since she'd seen his face again. she needed it, she needed him, being without him was the itch she couldn't scratch, the thought gnawing on her brain and her heart 24 hours a day.

Three months. She couldn't even last that long. And now they were at summer's end, its end come mercifully quick to her stuttering life. Blysse was amazing, her life having fit together perfectly again now that she was with Derian. And seeing them together in their insane happiness had only made her heart ache for what she'd had. She'd almost taken Blysse's offer of damned immortality a few times. She knew that Jake had gone back to La Push for the summer, and she couldn't help thinking that life in the woods of Southern England had to be somewhat the same. Most of the summer was dreary and gray, just the weather Haven loved best. And then it was time for her to come back to this little sleeping town for another school year.

Things had changed. She was seventeen, a junior, and ready for whatever this school wanted to throw at her. A summer of filming a new movie and horseback riding endlessly with her adored big sister had taught her that. She'd gone through hell now, she was good for another year at this school of secrets and back stabbing.

She could hear the whispers as soon as she got off the train and wandered her way through to her dorms. She grimaced. haven wasn't someone who liked to be remembered.

Intense boredom had driven her to out some effort into her appearance. She had rubbed some gel through her long auburn hair, now out to her waist at the longest tips and a rich light copper from the occasional sun she'd gotten on the beaches of Spain. She'd finally filled out a little, her bulimia finally kicked from Jacob's perpetual happiness and its effects on her. She now stood a good 5'11" and was a full C. She'd even managed to grow even more beautiful than her unearthly goddess looks according to Blysse and her blunt honestly, but she waved it off as she always had.

She had finished packing quickly and true Haven fashion, her wardrobe being entirely new from the 4 inches and 15 pounds she'd gained during the summer. She'd dug out a fuchsia bikini, wondering at its skinny straps. Blysse had almost forced it on her, and Haven had to admire the shade of pink against her skin. She tried it on, and it fit, She smiled as she saw how it acknowledged her new cleavage. She was getting to be a daring old girl, wearing a string bikini past the walls of her house.

She nearly tackled the beach, settling back in the warm comfortably as she pulled out sunglasses and a book. Wuthering Heights. Well, what did you expect from her?

[Bella]

He pulled up to the beach, hesitant, this place brought back memory's, maybe it was just the smell of the ocean mist, but maybe it was something else..
Stepping out I let the sun enfold me, slipping off my Hollister shirt revealing just how much i had grown over the summer.
I felt accord a bit watching the gaze of others eying me like i was some freak on riods, hey i couldn't help it.
I slowly walked down the beach line, my cell phone looking tiny in my hand as i scrolled down my contacts list and quickly i passed past Havens number and caught my breath.
I hadn't talk to her since last year, the summer, it had been so long.
I closed my phone and was about to slip it into my pocket before i re-opened it and dialed her number quickly and pushed it up to my ear, hearing it ring. I took me a double take before i saw a girl reach for her phone, her hair, her sent, i new it.
I shut my phone right as she answered and just stood there, catching my breath.
Slowly i walked forward, blocking her sun and i just started down at her, a giant looking down on a fragile doll.
'haven?' My rough voice usually so certain was held back and turned into a whisper.
I couldn't help it but my eyes didn't stay on her face but slowly traveled down her body.

[bree fisher]

Something was off, I knew. It was like the air of the world froze, and then my phone rang, its familiar little tone playing along. She looked down and slid it open, and suddenly it was dark, like God had extinguished the sun. But that couldn't have happened, could it?

No. It couldn't have. She was shaking. She looked up at him, taller, how on earth could he have gotten taller?, and just...older, more worn. She recognized that old aching sadness in his eyes. It was the same look she'd carried for three months.

She wondered if he thought she'd become a vampire. She'd certainly had the chance.

But then he said her name, and her heart exploded. She would have fainted if she could have moved at all. She'd missed his voice, his rough combination of a boys sunny vocals and a wolf's snarl, combined in a way that she loved more than anything.

She stood, slowly. It was a little weird. She was only 6 inches shorter than him now, it used to be a foot. She looked him up and down like he did her, and she didn't care who saw. She didn't care about anything, but the fact that he was standing here and she was standing here and she was standing still, which was absurd.

Jake? she managed to get out, her voice only a whisper, her breath curling around his face in the warm summer sun.

And then she couldn't take it anymore. She threw herself at him, her arms around his neck and her feet off the ground trying to reach that high.

God, she hoped he still loved her.

[Bella]

Time,,was,,moving,,soo,,,slow.
He studied her from head to toe, she differently had changed in figure but how about emotion.
And when I heard her plea I knew that she still felt the same.
Right when she jumped I grabbed her my arms enfolding her and I squeeze, forgetting that i could crush her but i couldn't help it, i couldn't let go. This is what i had needed.
'haven?' I said again, god it felt so good to finally say it.
My lips pressing against her hair taking in her perfume.
I felt my body shake and I had to let go of her, but i just couldn't.

[bree fisher]

She could feel her lungs bruising and her ribs protesting, but she didn't care. It wasn't like she had no pain tolerance.

Because she would tolerate anything for this. His lips on her heair, his warm body holding hers, it was perfect. She buried her face on the crook of his neck, breathing in his warm, woodsy smell.

She kissed his neck, lips burning in pleasure at the tangy feel of his skin. Jake, she whispered.

And one thing led to another, it had been too long for polite pleasantries. Her lips were on his, and she didn't even notice as she felt him shaking. She was, too.

[Bella]

I could feel her, all around me every part she touched it tingled, burned really.
I felt her lips crush against mine and I had to get a better grip or we were both going to fall into the sand.
I didn't want to pull from it but i had to, i had to let her breath.
By the time i felt enough strength i was panting for air.
'Haven..' I said in between breaths.
I didn't notice, didn't care that there was a group of people just eying us.
All i could see was MY Haven standing in front of me.

[bree fisher]

My eyes were closed, but I grinned anyways. I opened them, my heart pounding.

I wasn't sure what to say to him, it'd been so long and still...still I felt the same, and it seemed he did too.

People were watching hungrily, I grabbed my phone and led him off a ways into the parking lot. I ran my hands against his bare chest, luxuriating in the feel of his bare skin under mine.

I kissed him again.

Alright, enough kisses. Thank you for letting me breathe. How have you been? Why did you lhave to leave? I'm not mad...it just surprised me...when you left, and you never said goodbye. It shouldn't have bothered me, I knew it had to have been an emergency. I just...wanted to know. I loved him. I wanted to know everything.

[Bella]

I grinned down at her as she lead me away to the parking lot and a naughty child that i was played a rather naughty scene in my head, but hey what do you except from a guy?
My heart sped up as she kissed me and ran her hands on my chest, i had to concentrate on being good.
'Slow down Haven...' I said as she rambled on, 'breath remember'
I cleared my throat before running my fingers through my thick brown hair.
'Things got complicated down in La-push, Sam went missing, we still cant find him, its been 4 months.'

[bree fisher]

My eyes went wide, as he knew they would. I remembered every word he'd said to me, from hello to goodbye, and I knew this was bad. What about Emily? I asked, knowing exactly how she would feel.

And then I had an idea.

But I was about to ask a very dangerous question.

I bit my lip, figeted, and I could see that Jacob was confused at my behavior.

D'you think...Edward might be able to help? I squinted my face, braced for his wrath, almost terrified of what he could do to me that I completely forgot that it was Jacob I was with and how much me thinking he would hurt me would hurt him.

I hid in his chest, listening to his heartbeat and not wanting to see his face. I had to keep him still, at least.

I kissed him, softly, letting him deepen it as he wanted to. I could feel the tension in his body, knew what he wanted and blushed. I wanted it too now. Hey, I was a girl.

[Bella]

I stiffened at the mention of Emily and felt my face harden.
'Emily tried to kill herself so she is now in the hands of Quill and Emery.'
I ran my fingers through her hair and noticed the tension in her muscles and her breath was speeding up.
And then i heard his name mentioned and i felt my grip tighten and my lip curl.
'No we dint need HIM.'
My nostrils flared as I looked away to wards the beach trying to concentrated on something else.

[bree fisher]

I recoiled like he'd slapped me, hiding my face in his warm chest. I could tell how hard it was for him to stay in control. I breathed with him until I felt his heartbeat go steady.

Emily...oh, babe. She'd gone the same why I had, when her werewolf had gone. I reflexively hid my wrists from Jacob's view, even though I knew he would catch the movement against his skin.

Jake... I started, but my voice trembled. Not a good thing.

I knew Edward pretty well by now, he'd taken to visiting Blysse and Derian (his fellow "vegetarians") and I could tell that he could help. He could probably sense Sam, and if not Sam, Emily through Sam. Jacpb's eyes were so cold...it had to be hard on all of the pack, without a leader.

I really didn't want to fight with him. And even if I tried, my voice would tremble. I bit my lip and just looked at the floor. I tried to keep the tears out of my eyes, but they came up anyway. Damn it. I hated crying in front of Jacob. And he would end up seeing my wrists if I brushed the tears away.

Hell, I couldn't just let them fall and alert him that way. I looked at the sun, not realizing how stupid that was for my situation, and wiped the tears from my eyes quickly.

I was right. The sun lit the sparkle on my scars, one perfect crescent shaped glittering line on eachof my wrists, right across the vein. The little scars that ran colder than my body and signified so much of my summer.

[[vampire bites]]

[Bella]

Trying to relax i concentrated on just steady breathing and taking in the fresh air but i couldn't there was just to much on my shoulders.
'Edward is no help to us he can only read minds big whoop i can do that for Christ sake. Emery and then don't know I'm hear though, you see I'm there leader now and i kinda left to.'
I looked down catching the tears welling in her eyes and then slowly spilling over.
She brought her wrist up and whipped them away, i didn't see but i could smell.
I eyed her before playing it cool and I slipped my hand down her arm and slowly brought it up to his mouth and kissed the top of her hand, being way stronger then her i was able to hold it tight and i swiftly ran my nose along her wrist and dropped it immediately, my nose wrinkled in disgust as i looked to her, there wasn't much i could say.
'Haven, what happened to you.'

[bree fisher]

I forgot that Jake could hear Sam too. So there went that brilliant plan. I hated that I'd been so stupid to forget that and bring this harsh anger to his face.

I clenched my teeth when I heard his question, knowing it would be a hard story for him to hear. You won't want to hear it...are you sure you want me to tell you?

He nodded, inscrutably. I sighed, looking at him, and then at the ground. it seemed safest. He still held my hand fact, curiosity and revulsion burning in his black eyes.

You know that my sister and her husband are vampires.

Another nod.

Well...I asked him to do it. To change me. Because...this summer, alone, it just...I didn't want to live anymore. Bottom line.

I heard his intake of breath, heard him start to speak, and I rushed to finish the story.

But I chickened out. There really is something about excruciating pain that makes you really examine your priorities. They sucked the venom out...like Edward did with Bella...and at first I was really upset. Because they had taken from me what I wanted.

But then, they told me, that the entire time I'd been screaming your name. They wanted to know who you were. And that's why I came back.

I braced myself again for his reaction, curling the hand he still held around his. I had three other scars, one across my neck, and one on each of my ankles. He didn't need to know how close I'd come...how close I was to day three when Derian finally stopped it for me.

I shuddered, remembering how awful it was.

[Bella]

The whole time i felt my eyes harden and my blood fall from my face watching as she told her story of sicken suicide.
My muscles rippled up and down my back and arms and I gridded my teeth together to keep some kind of control.
'Why would you even...?'
I stopped and couldn't, i just didn't understand why she would even consider that option after knowing that we were fused, binded to each other and I would have found her to if i didn't know she was half way around the world.

[bree fisher]

I looked at him, tears balanced on the rims of my eyes. My voice trembled anyways. Jake, what was I supposed to think? You just up and left, and you didn't say bye, and you didn't say where you were going...you don't know what it was like, I thought you were...

I had to stop, I gasped for air. I didn't know where you were or if you were even alive I just thought that...you didn't want me, anymore. And I spent a year thinking that, and I couldn't take it anymore.

So you tell me what I was supposed to do, Jacob Black. What kind of fucking choice did I have after you fucking did that to me?

I was going to lose it. I didn't think I'd ever even really sworn at him before. He still held my hand, but I jerked it away, hard as I could. My entire body was screaming don;t do this, don't leave him, but I was only half listening. I ran my hand through my hair, shifted uncomfortably. I sounded so self-pitying, and maybe I had a right to be that way.

But he could of done something. Some kind of half-scirbbled note, anything, at least so I would know he was alive.

I couldn't leave him, I couldn't even forve myself to walk one step in the opposite direction. Where did that leave me now?

[Bella]

I felt the coldness wave through her body, i could smell the adrenalin and pain pulse through every breath that she took and with that came my struggle to stay in once piece. I let her finish and when i felt her hand slip away i could slowly feel my anger start to unwieldy, Its all your fault Jacob don't you dare take it out on her, but you never had a choice did you?
My mind kept feuding back and fourth as my teeth slowly grounded with my ideas.

"Haven do you understand how hard it was to leave you! Its not like i did this to hurt you I had no choice, Sam is gone and the rest of the pack is going nuts OK because slowly there disappearing, Paul is gone to and we no they didn't just run away there is blood all over there walls. I couldn't tell you were I was going because you would come find me, i cant have what ever is after us after you, and its going to be even harder to leave you now!"

My muscles were shifting, shifting and i couldn't control them, as i said those last words. They started to spas and i let out a heave as my body shifter forward, I crumpled my arms squeezing my stomach.
One last look, i caught Havens eye, was she scared, anger, confused i didn't have time to ask before i took off.
My legs stretched out I ran toward the woods before zig zagging over to the waters edge away from the towns people, it was just me now.
My body still shaking as I tasted the air, I tasted disaster. With a giant leap I dove into the water letting the coldness engulf me, taking my feelings and leaving my body numb. I let the water take me down.